Today, I am more depressed than usual. I am easily agitated and short with my wife. I have familiar physiological symptoms and over powering emotions. Emotions of self-disgust, frustration and anger. I am angry that I feel self-pity and that old woo-is-me syndrome. I have the urge/need to cry but no tears will come; my anger is stronger than the sadness I feel. A lack of un-worthiness has crept in again as it has so many times before. Thoughts of self-destructive behavior are fleeting, although reoccurring. For the second time in the past few days, I have considered taking medication in order to sleep away the hours and days. I am resisting this action today. I have been mentally planning an escape from the impending family gathering during the Holiday Season. I surmise that by distancing myself from family and friends, I will be free from these feelings. The putting on of a happy face is so tiresome. It is much easier to be as I am; un-happy. Social and spiritual interaction with others helps to counter much of the negativity. But, trying to show genuine interest and attentiveness is weakened by intrusive thoughts.